miss u

i overestimated many things in my life...most of these myself
i thought i could push all the unpleasant stuff in the back of my mind i even bragged about it...but here i am unable to push this one thing anywhere it's right there in the center.
losing one's mom is huge...mine was not just a mom she was a best friend, a shelter, a sister and a blessing.
i am coping i am not shedding tears at least not in public but the suffering is enormous this one cut deep in my heart... cought me offguard.
no words can describe her nor can they describe how i feel.
i am so sorry i ever made her cry and i did.
i miss her so bad it hurts...can't get her off my mind even when i am happy.
i used to tell her everything and i still find myself thinking " mami wait till u hear this one" then i remember i wont't b able to say it..not able to make her laugh anymore..not sad either
i know she forgives me but am not sure i will ever be able to forgive myself